The statement appears to have been written, though the fragment is undated, long after the death of his wife, whom I take to have been one of the persons referred to. There is, however, nothing in the strange story to establish this point, which is, perhaps, not of importance. When I took possession of his effects I found these pages, in a locked drawer, among papers relating to the unfortunate ladys too brief career (she died in childbirth a year after her marriage), letters, memoranda, accounts, faded photographs, cards of invitation. That is the only connection I can point to, and you may easily and will probably say that the tale is too extravagant to have had a demonstrable origin. I cannot, I admit, vouch for his having intended it as a report of real occurrence I can only vouch for his general veracity. In any case it was written for himself, not for others. I offer it to others having full option precisely because it is so singular. Let them, in respect to the form of the thing, bear in mind that it was written quite for himself. I have altered nothing but the names.
If theres a story in the matter I recognise the
exact moment at which it began. This was on a soft, still
Sunday noon in November, just after church, on the sunny
Parade.
Brighton
was full of people; it was the height of the season, and the day was even
more respectable than lovely which helped to account for the
multitude of walkers. The blue sea itself was decorous; it seemed to doze,
with a gentle snore (if that be decorum), as if nature were
preaching a sermon. After writing letters all the morning I had come out to
take a look at it before luncheon. I was leaning over the rail which
separates the
Kings Road
from the beach, and I think I was smoking a cigarette, when I became
conscious of an intended joke in the shape of a light walking-stick laid
across my shoulders. The idea, I found, had been thrown off by Teddy
Bostwick, of
the Rifles,
and was intended as a
contribution to talk. Our talk came off as we strolled together he
always took your arm to show you he forgave your obtuseness about his humour
and looked at the people, and bowed to some of them, and wondered who
others were, and differed in opinion as to the prettiness of the girls.
About Charlotte Marden we agreed, however, as we saw her coming toward us
with her mother; and there surely could have been no one who wouldnt
have agreed with us. The Brighton air, of old, used to make plain girls
pretty and pretty girls prettier still I dont know whether it
works the spell now. The place, at any rate, was rare for complexions, and
Miss Mardens was one that made people turn round. It made us
stop, heaven knows at least, it was one of the things, for we already
knew the ladies.
We turned with them, we joined them, we went where they
were going. They were only going to the end and back they had just
come out of church. It was another manifestation of Teddys humour that
he got immediate
possession of Charlotte, leaving me to walk with her mother. However, I was
not unhappy; the girl was before me and I had her to talk about. We
prolonged our walk, Mrs Marden kept me, and presently she said she was
tired and must sit down. We found a place on a sheltered bench we
gossiped as the people passed. It had already struck me, in this pair, that
the resemblance between the mother and the daughter was wonderful even among
such resemblances the more so that it took so little account of a
difference of nature. One often hears mature mothers spoken of as warnings
signposts, more or less discouraging, of the way daughters may go.
But there was nothing deterrent in the idea that Charlotte, at fifty-five,
should be as beautiful, even though it were conditioned on her being as pale
and preoccupied, as Mrs Marden. At twenty-two she had a kind of rosy
blankness and she was admirably handsome. Her head had the charming shape of
her mothers, and her features the same fine order. Then there were
looks and movements and tones (moments when you could scarcely say whether
it were aspect or sound), which, between the two personalities, were a
reflection, a recall.
These ladies had a small fortune and a cheerful little
house at Brighton, full of portraits and tokens and trophies (stuffed
animals on the top of bookcases, and sallow, varnished fish under glass), to
which Mrs Marden professed herself attached by pious memories. Her
husband had been ordered there in ill-health, to spend the last
years of his life, and she had already mentioned to me that it was a place
in which she felt herself still under the protection of his goodness. His
goodness appeared to have been great, and she sometimes had the air of
defending it against mysterious imputations. Some
sense of protection, of an influence invoked and cherished, was evidently
necessary to her; she had a dim wistfulness, a longing for security. She
wanted friends and she had a good many. She was kind to me on our first
meeting, and I never suspected her of the vulgar purpose of making
up to me a suspicion, of course, unduly frequent in conceited
young men. It never struck me that she wanted me for her daughter, nor yet,
like some unnatural mammas, for herself. It was as if they had had a common
deep, shy need and had been ready to say: Oh, be friendly to us and be
trustful! Dont be afraid, you wont be expected to marry
us. Of course theres something about mamma; thats
really what makes her such a dear! Charlotte said to me,
confidentially, at an early stage of our acquaintance. She worshipped her
mothers appearance. It was the only thing she was vain of; she
accepted the raised eyebrows as a charming ultimate fact. She looks as
if she were waiting for the doctor, dear mamma, she said on another
occasion. Perhaps youre the doctor; do you think you
are? It appeared in the event that I had some healing power. At any
rate when I learned, for she once dropped the remark, that Mrs Marden
also thought there was something awfully strange about
Charlotte, the relation between the two ladies became extremely interesting.
It was happy enough, at bottom; each had the other so much on her mind.
On the Parade the stream of strollers held its course,
and Charlotte presently went by with Teddy Bostwick. She smiled and nodded
and continued, but when she came back she stopped and spoke to us. Captain
Bostwick positively declined to go in, he said the occasion was too jolly:
might they therefore take another turn? Her mother dropped a Do as
you like, and the girl
gave me an impertinent smile over her shoulder as they quitted us. Teddy
looked at me with his glass in one eye; but I didnt mind that; it was
only of Miss Marden I was thinking as I observed to my companion, laughing:
Shes a bit of a coquette, you know.
Dont say that dont say
that! Mrs Marden murmured.
The nicest girls always are just a
little, I was magnanimous enough to plead.
Then why are they always punished?
The intensity of the question startled me it had
come out in such a vivid flash. Therefore I had to think a moment before I
inquired: What do you know about it?
I was a bad girl myself.
And were you punished?
I carry it through life, said
Mrs Marden, looking away from me. Ah! she suddenly panted,
in the next breath, rising to her feet and staring at her daughter, who had
reappeared again with Captain Bostwick. She stood a few seconds, with the
queerest expression in her face; then she sank upon the seat again and I saw
that she had blushed crimson. Charlotte, who had observed her movement, came
straight up to her and, taking her hand with quick tenderness, seated
herself on the other side of her. The girl had turned pale she gave
her mother a fixed, frightened look. Mrs Marden, who had had some shock
which escaped our detection, recovered herself; that is she sat quiet and
inexpressive, gazing at the indifferent crowd, the sunny air, the slumbering
sea. My eye happened to fall, however, on the interlocked hands of the two
ladies, and I quickly guessed that the grasp of the elder one was violent.
Bostwick stood before them, wondering what was the
matter and asking me from his little vacant disk if I knew; which
led Charlotte to say to him after a moment, with a certain irritation:
Dont stand there that way, Captain Bostwick;
go away please go away.
I got up at this, hoping that Mrs Marden
wasnt ill; but she immediately begged that we would not go
away, that we would particularly stay and that we would presently come home
to lunch. She drew me down beside her and for a moment I felt her hand
pressing my arm in a way that might have been an involuntary betrayal of
distress and might have been a private signal. What she might have wished to
point out to me I couldnt divine: perhaps she had seen somebody or
something abnormal in the crowd. She explained to us in a few minutes that
she was all right; that she was only liable to palpitations they came
as quickly as they went. It was time to move, and we moved. The incident was
felt to be closed. Bostwick and I lunched with our sociable friends, and
when I walked away with him he declared that he had never seen such dear
kind creatures.
Mrs Marden had made us promise to come back the
next day to tea, and had exhorted us in general to come as often as we
could. Yet the next day, when at five oclock I knocked at the door of
the pretty house, it was to learn that the ladies had gone up to town. They
had left a message for us with the butler: he was to say that they had
suddenly been called were very sorry. They would be absent a few
days. This was all I could extract from the dumb domestic. I went again
three days later, but they were still away; and it was not till the end of a
week that I got a note from Mrs Marden, saying We are back; do
come and forgive us. It was on this occasion, I remember (the occasion
of my going
just after getting the note), that she told me she had intuitions. I
dont know how many people there were in England at that time in that
predicament, but there were very few who would have mentioned it; so that
the announcement struck me as original, especially as her point was that
some of these uncanny promptings were connected with me. There were other
people present idle Brighton folk, old women with frightened eyes and
irrelevant interjections and I had but a few minutes talk with
Charlotte; but the day after this I met them both at dinner and had the
satisfaction of sitting next to Miss Marden. I recall that hour as the hour
on which it first completely came over me that she was a beautiful, liberal
creature. I had seen her personality in patches and gleams, like a song sung
in snatches, but now it was before me in a large rosy glow, as if it had
been a full volume of sound I heard the whole of the air. It was
sweet, fresh music I was often to hum it over.
After dinner I had a few words with Mrs Marden; it
was at the moment, late in the evening, when tea was handed about. A servant
passed near us with a tray, I asked her if she would have a cup, and, on her
assenting, took one and handed it to her. She put out her hand for it and I
gave it to her, safely as I supposed; but as she was in the act of receiving
it she started and faltered, so that the cup and saucer dropped with a crash
of porcelain and without, on the part of my interlocutress, the usual
womans movement to save her dress. I stooped to pick up the fragments
and when I raised myself Mrs Marden was looking across the room at her
daughter, who looked back at her smiling, but with an anxious light in her
eyes. Dear mamma, what on earth is the matter with you?
the silent question seemed to say. Mrs Marden
coloured, just as she had done after her strange movement on the Parade the
other week, and I was therefore surprised when she said to me with
unexpected assurance: You should really have a steadier hand! I
had begun to stammer a defence of my hand when I became aware that she had
fixed her eyes upon me with an intense appeal. It was ambiguous at first and
only added to my confusion; then suddenly I understood, as plainly as if she
had murmured Make believe it was you make believe it was
you. The servant came back to take the morsels of the cup and wipe up
the spilt tea, and while I was in the midst of making believe
Mrs Marden abruptly brushed away from me and from her daughters
attention and went into another room. I noticed that she gave no heed to the
state of her dress.
I saw nothing more of either of them that evening, but
the next morning, in the Kings Road, I met Miss Marden with a roll of
music in her muff. She told me she had been a little way alone, to practice
duets with a friend, and I asked her if she would go a little way further in
company. She gave me leave to attend her to her door, and as we stood before
it I inquired if I might go in. No, not to-day I dont
want you, she said, candidly, though not roughly; while the words
caused me to direct a wistful, disconcerted gaze at one of the windows of
the house. It fell upon the white face of Mrs Marden, who was looking
out at us from the drawing-room. She stood there long enough for me to see
that it was she and not an apparition, as I had thought for a
second, and then she vanished before her daughter had observed her. The
girl, during our walk, had said nothing about her. As I had been told they
didnt want me I left them alone a little, after which circumstances
supervened that kept us still longer apart. I
finally went up to London, and while there I received a pressing invitation
to come immediately down to Tranton, a pretty old place in Sussex belonging
to a couple whose acquaintance I had lately made.
I went to Tranton from town, and on arriving found the
Mardens, with a dozen other people, in the house. The first thing
Mrs Marden said was: Will you forgive me? and when I asked
what I had to forgive she answered: My throwing my tea over you.
I replied that it had gone over herself; whereupon she said: At any
rate I was very rude; but some day I think youll understand, and then
youll make allowances for me. The first day I was there she
dropped two or three of these references (she had already indulged in more
than one), to the mystic initiation that was in store for me; so that I
began, as the phrase is, to chaff her about it, to say I would rather it
were less wonderful and take it out at once. She answered that when it
should come to me I would have to take it out there would be little
enough option. That it would come was privately clear to her, a
deep presentiment, which was the only reason she had ever mentioned the
matter. Didnt I remember she had told me she had intuitions? From the
first time of her seeing me she had been sure there were things I should not
escape knowing. Meanwhile there was nothing to do but wait and keep cool,
not to be precipitate. She particularly wished not to be any more nervous
than she was. And I was above all not to be nervous myself one got
used to everything. I declared that though I couldnt make out what she
was talking about I was terribly frightened; the absence of a clue gave such
a range to ones imagination. I exaggerated on purpose; for if
Mrs Marden was mystifying I can scarcely say she was alarming. I
couldnt imagine what she meant,
but I wondered more than I shuddered. I might have said to myself that she
was
a little wrong in the upper story;
but that never occurred to me. She struck me as hopelessly right.
There were other girls in the house, but Charlotte
Marden was the most charming; which was so generally felt to be the case
that she really interfered with the slaughter of ground game. There were two
or three men, and I was of the number, who actually preferred her to the
society of the beaters. In short she was recognised as a form of sport
superior and exquisite. She was kind to all of us she made us go out
late and come in early. I dont know whether she flirted, but several
other members of the party thought they did. Indeed, as regards
himself, Teddy Bostwick, who had come over from Brighton, was visibly sure.
The third day I was at Tranton was a Sunday, and there
was a very pretty walk to morning service over the fields. It was grey,
windless weather, and the bell of the little old church that nestled in the
hollow of the Sussex down sounded near and domestic. We were a straggling
procession, in the mild damp air (which, as always at that season, gave one
the feeling that after the trees were bare there was more of it a
larger sky), and I managed to fall a good way behind with Miss Marden. I
remember entertaining, as we moved together over the turf, a strong impulse
to say something intensely personal, something violent and important
important for me, such as that I had never seen her so lovely, or
that that particular moment was the sweetest of my life. But always, in
youth, such words have been on the lips many times before they are spoken;
and I had the sense, not that I didnt know her well enough (I cared
little for that), but that she didnt know me well enough. In
the
church, where there were old Tranton tombs and brasses, the big Tranton pew
was full. Several of us were scattered, and I found a seat for Miss Marden,
and another for myself beside it, at a distance from her mother and from
most of our friends. There were two or three decent rustics on the bench,
who moved in further to make room for us, and I took my place first, to cut
off my companion from our neighbours. After she was seated there was still a
space left, which remained empty till service was about half over.
This at least was the moment at which I became aware
that another person had entered and had taken the seat. When I noticed him
he had apparently been for some minutes in the pew, for he had settled
himself and put down his hat beside him, and, with his hands crossed on the
nob of his cane, was gazing before him at the altar. He was a pale young man
in black, with the air of a gentleman. I was slightly startled on perceiving
him, for Miss Marden had not attracted my attention to his entrance by
moving to make room for him. After a few minutes, observing that he had no
prayer-book, I reached across my neighbour and placed mine before him, on
the ledge of the pew; a manuvre the motive of which was not
unconnected with the possibility that, in my own destitution, Miss Marden
would give me one side of her velvet volume to hold. The pretext,
however, was destined to fail for at the moment I offered him the book the
intruder whose intrusion I had so condoned rose from his place
without thanking me, stepped noiselessly out of the pew (it had no door),
and, so discreetly as to attract no attention, passed down the centre of the
church. A few minutes had sufficed for his devotions. His behaviour was
unbecoming, his early departure even more than his late arrival; but he
managed so quietly
that we were not incommoded, and I perceived, on turning a little to glance
after him, that nobody was disturbed by his withdrawal. I only noticed, and
with surprise, that Mrs Marden had been so affected by it as to rise,
involuntarily, an instant, in her place. She stared at him as he passed, but
he passed very quickly, and she as quickly dropped down again, though not
too soon to catch my eye across the church. Five minutes later I asked Miss
Marden, in a low voice, if she would kindly pass me back my prayer-book
I had waited to see if she would spontaneously perform the act. She
restored this aid to devotion, but had been so far from troubling herself
about it that she could say to me as she did so: Why on earth did you
put it there? I was on the point of answering her when she dropped on
her knees, and I held my tongue. I had only been going to say: To be
decently civil.
After the benediction, as we were leaving our places, I
was slightly surprised, again, to see that Mrs Marden, instead of going
out with her companions, had come up the aisle to join us, having apparently
something to say to her daughter. She said it, but in an instant I observed
that it was only a pretext her real business was with me. She pushed
Charlotte forward and suddenly murmured to me: Did you see him?
The gentleman who sat down here? How could I help
seeing him?
Hush! she said, with the intensest
excitement; dont speak to her dont tell
her! She slipped her hand into my arm, to keep me near her, to keep
me, it seemed, away from her daughter. The precaution was unnecessary, for
Teddy Bostwick had already taken possession of Miss Marden, and as they
passed out of church in front of me I saw one of the other men close
up on her other hand. It appeared to be considered that I had had my turn.
Mrs Marden withdrew her hand from my arm as soon as we got out, but not
before I felt that she had really needed the support. Dont speak
to any one dont tell any one! she went on.
I dont understand. Tell them what?
Why, that you saw him.
Surely they saw him for themselves.
Not one of them, not one of them. She spoke
in a tone of such passionate decision that I glanced at her she was
staring straight before her. But she felt the challenge of my eyes and she
stopped short, in the old brown timber porch of the church, with the others
well in advance of us, and said, looking at me now and in a quite
extraordinary manner: Youre the only person, the only person in
the world.
But you, dear madam?
Oh me of course. Thats my
curse! And with this she moved rapidly away from me to join the body
of the party. I hovered on its outskirts on the way home, for I had food for
rumination. Whom had I seen and why was the apparition it rose before
my minds eye very vividly again invisible to the others? If an
exception had been made for Mrs Marden, why did it constitute a curse,
and why was I to share so questionable an advantage? This inquiry, carried
on in my own locked breast, kept me doubtless silent enough during luncheon.
After luncheon I went out on the old terrace to smoke a cigarette, but I had
only taken a couple of turns when I perceived Mrs Mardens moulded
mask at the window of one of the rooms which opened on the crooked flags. It
reminded me of the same flitting presence at the window at Brighton the day
I met Charlotte and walked home with her. But this time my ambiguous
friend didnt vanish; she tapped on the pane and motioned me to come
in. She was in a queer little apartment, one of the many reception-rooms of
which the ground-floor at Tranton consisted; it was known as the Indian room
and had a decoration vaguely Oriental bamboo lounges, lacquered
screens, lanterns with long fringes and strange idols in cabinets, objects
not held to conduce to sociability. The place was little used, and when I
went round to her we had it to ourselves. As soon as I entered she said to
me: Please tell me this; are you in love with my daughter?
I hesitated a moment. Before I answer your
question will you kindly tell me what gives you the idea? I dont
consider that I have been very forward.
Mrs Marden, contradicting me with her beautiful
anxious eyes, gave me no satisfaction on the point I mentioned; she only
went on strenuously:
Did you say nothing to her on the way to
church?
What makes you think I said anything?
The fact that you saw him.
Saw whom, dear Mrs Marden?
Oh, you know, she answered, gravely, even a
little reproachfully, as if I were trying to humiliate her by making her
phrase the unphraseable.
Do you mean the gentleman who formed the subject
of your strange statement in church the one who came into the
pew?
You saw him, you saw him! Mrs Marden
panted, with a strange mixture of dismay and relief.
Of course I saw him; and so did you.
It didnt follow. Did you feel it to be
inevitable?
I was puzzled again. Inevitable?
That you should see him?
Certainly, since Im not blind.
You might have been; every one else is. I
was wonderfully at sea, and I frankly confessed it to my interlocutress; but
the case was not made clearer by her presently exclaiming: I knew you
would, from the moment you should be really in love with her! I knew it
would be the test what do I mean? the proof.
Are there such strange bewilderments attached to
that high state? I asked, smiling.
You perceive there are. You see him, you see
him! Mrs Marden announced, with tremendous exaltation.
Youll see him again.
Ive no objection; but I shall take more
interest in him if youll kindly tell me who he is.
She hesitated, looking down a moment; then she said,
raising her eyes: Ill tell you if youll tell me first what
you said to her on the way to church.
Has she told you I said anything?
Do I need that? smiled Mrs Marden.
Oh yes, I remember your intuitions! But
Im sorry to see theyre at fault this time; because I really said
nothing to your daughter that was the least out of the way.
Are you very sure?
On my honour, Mrs Marden.
Then you consider that youre not in love
with her?
Thats another affair! I laughed.
You are you are! You wouldnt
have seen him if you hadnt been.
Who the deuce is he, then, madam? I
inquired with some irritation.
She would still only answer me with another question.
Didnt you at least want to say something to her
didnt you come very near it?
The question was much to the point; it justified the
famous intuitions. Very near it it was the turn of a hair. I
dont know what kept me quiet.
That was quite enough, said Mrs Marden.
It isnt what you say that determines it; its what you
feel. Thats what he goes by.
I was annoyed, at last, by her reiterated reference to
an identity yet to be established, and I clasped my hands with an air of
supplication which covered much real impatience, a sharper curiosity and
even the first short throbs of a certain sacred dread. I entreat you
to tell me whom youre talking about.
She threw up her arms, looking away from me, as if to
shake off both reserve and responsibility. Sir Edmund Orme.
And who is Sir Edmund Orme?
At the moment I spoke she gave a start. Hush, here
they come. Then as, following the direction of her eyes, I saw
Charlotte Marden on the terrace, at the window, she added, with an intensity
of warning: Dont notice him never!
Charlotte, who had had her hands beside her eyes,
peering into the room and smiling, made a sign that she was to be admitted,
on which I went and opened the long window. Her mother turned away, and the
girl came in with a laughing challenge: What plot, in the world are
you two hatching here? Some plan I forget what was in
prospect for the afternoon, as to which Mrs Mardens participation
or consent was solicited my adhesion was taken for granted
and she had been half over the place in her quest. I was flurried,
because I saw that Mrs Marden was flurried (when she turned round to
meet her daughter she covered it by a kind of extravagance, throwing herself
on the girls neck and
embracing her), and to pass it off I said, fancifully, to Charlotte:
Ive been asking your mother for your
hand.
Oh, indeed, and has she given it? Miss
Marden answered, gayly.
She was just going to when you appeared
there.
Well, its only for a moment Ill
leave you free.
Do you like him, Charlotte? Mrs Marden
asked, with a candour I scarcely expected.
Its difficult to say it before him
isnt it? the girl replied, entering into the humour of the
thing, but looking at me as if she didnt like me.
She would have had to say it before another person as
well, for at that moment there stepped into the room from the terrace (the
window had been left open), a gentleman who had come into sight, at least
into mine, only within the instant. Mrs Marden had said Here
they come, but he appeared to have followed her daughter at a
certain distance. I immediately recognised him as the personage who had sat
beside us in church. This time I saw him better, saw that his face and his
whole air were strange. I speak of him as a personage, because one felt,
indescribably, as if a reigning prince had come into the room. He held
himself with a kind of habitual majesty, as if he were different from us.
Yet he looked fixedly and gravely at me, till I wondered what he expected of
me. Did he consider that I should bend my knee or kiss his hand? He turned
his eyes in the same way on Mrs Marden, but she knew what to do. After
the first agitation produced by his approach she took no notice of him
whatever; it made me remember her passionate adjuration to me. I had to
achieve a great effort to imitate her, for though I knew nothing about him
but that he was Sir Edmund Orme I felt his
presence as a strong appeal, almost as an oppression. He stood there without
speaking young, pale, handsome, clean-shaven, decorous, with
extraordinary light blue eyes and something old-fashioned, like a portrait
of years ago, in his head, his manner of wearing his hair. He was in
complete mourning (one immediately felt that he was very well dressed), and
he carried his hat in his hand. He looked again strangely hard at me, harder
than any one in the world had ever looked before; and I remember feeling
rather cold and wishing he would say something. No silence had ever seemed
to me so soundless. All this was of course an impression intensely rapid;
but that it had consumed some instants was proved to me suddenly by the
aspect of Charlotte Marden, who stared from her mother to me and back again
(he never looked at her, and she had no appearance of looking at him), and
then broke out with: What on earth is the matter with you? Youve
such odd faces! I felt the colour come back to mine, and when she went
on in the same tone: One would think you had seen a ghost! I was
conscious that I had turned very red. Sir Edmund Orme never blushed, and I
could see that he had no capacity for embarrassment. One had met people of
that sort, but never any one with such a grand indifference.
Dont be impertinent; and go and tell them
all that Ill join them, said Mrs Marden with much dignity,
but with a quaver in her voice.
And will you come you? the
girl asked, turning away. I made no answer, taking the question, somehow, as
meant for her companion. But he was more silent than I, and when she reached
the door (she was going out that way), she stopped, with her hand on the
knob, and looked at me, repeating it. I assented, springing forward
to open the door for her, and as she passed out she exclaimed to me
mockingly: You havent got your wits about you you
shant have my hand!
I closed the door and turned round to find that Sir
Edmund Orme had during the moment my back was presented to him retired by
the window. Mrs Marden stood there and we looked at each other long. It
had only then as the girl flitted away come home to me that
her daughter was unconscious of what had happened. It was that,
oddly enough, that gave me a sudden, sharp shake, and not my own perception
of our visitor, which appeared perfectly natural. It made the fact vivid to
me that she had been equally unaware of him in church, and the two facts
together now that they were over set my heart more sensibly
beating. I wiped my forehead, and Mrs Marden broke out with a low
distressful wail: Now you know my life now you know my
life!
In Gods name who is he what
is he?
Hes a man I wronged.
How did you wrong him?
Oh, awfully years ago.
Years ago? Why, hes very young.
Young young? cried Mrs Marden.
He was born before I was!
Then why does he look so?
She came nearer to me, she laid her hand on my arm, and
there was something in her face that made me shrink a little.
Dont you understand dont you feel?
she murmured, reproachfully.
I feel very queer! I laughed; and I was
conscious that my laugh betrayed it.
Hes dead! said Mrs Marden, from
her white face.
Dead? I panted. Then that gentleman
was? I couldnt even say the word.
Call him what you like there are twenty
vulgar names. Hes a perfect presence.
Hes a splendid presence! I cried.
The place is haunted haunted! I exulted in the
word as if it represented the fulfilment of my dearest dream.
It isnt the place mores the
pity! That has nothing to do with it!
Then its you, dear lady? I said, as if
this were still better.
No, nor me either I wish it were!
Perhaps its me, I suggested with a
sickly smile.
Its nobody but my child my innocent,
innocent child! And with this Mrs Marden broke down she
dropped into a chair and burst into tears. I stammered some question
I pressed on her some bewildered appeal, but she waved me off, unexpectedly
and passionately. I persisted couldnt I help her, couldnt
I intervene? You have intervened, she sobbed;
youre in it, youre in it.
Im very glad to be in anything so
curious, I boldly declared.
Glad or not, you cant get out of it.
I dont want to get out of it
its too interesting.
Im glad you like it. Go away.
But I want to know more about it.
Youll see all you want go away!
But I want to understand what I see.
How can you when I dont understand
myself?
Well do so together well make
it out.
At this she got up, doing what she could to obliterate
her tears. Yes, it will be better together thats why
Ive liked you.
Oh, well see it through! I declared.
Then you must control yourself better.
I will, I will with practice.
Youll get used to it, said
Mrs Marden, in a tone I never forgot. But go and join them
Ill come in a moment.
I passed out to the terrace and I felt that I had a part
to play. So far from dreading another encounter with the perfect
presence, as Mrs Marden called it, I was filled with an
excitement that was positively joyous. I desired a renewal of the sensation
I opened myself wide to the impression; I went round the house as
quickly as if I expected to overtake Sir Edmund Orme. I didnt overtake
him just then, but the day was not to close without my recognising that, as
Mrs Marden had said, I should see all I wanted of him.
We took, or most of us took, the collective sociable
walk which, in the English country-house, is the consecrated pastime on
Sunday afternoons. We were restricted to such a regulated ramble as the
ladies were good for; the afternoons, moreover, were short, and by five
oclock we were restored to the fireside in the hall, with a sense, on
my part at least, that we might have done a little more for our tea.
Mrs Marden had said she would join us, but she had not appeared; her
daughter, who had seen her again before we went out, only explained that she
was tired. She remained invisible all the afternoon, but this was a detail
to which I gave as little heed as I had given to the circumstance of my not
having Miss Marden to myself during all our walk. I was too much taken up
with another emotion to care; I felt beneath my feet the threshold of the
strange door, in my life, which had suddenly been thrown open and out of
which unspeakable vibrations played up through me like a fountain. I had
heard all my days of apparitions, but it was a different thing to have seen
one and to know
that I should in all probability see it familiarly, as it were, again. I was
on the look-out for it, as a pilot for the flash of a revolving light, and I
was ready to generalise on the sinister subject, to declare that ghosts were
much less alarming and much more amusing than was commonly supposed. There
is no doubt that I was extremely nervous. I couldnt get over the
distinction conferred upon me the exception (in the way of mystic
enlargement of vision), made in my favour. At the same time I think I did
justice to Mrs Mardens absence; it was a commentary on what she
had said to me Now you know my life. She had probably
been seeing Sir Edmund Orme for years, and, not having my firm fibre, she
had broken down under him. Her nerve was gone, though she had also been able
to attest that, in a degree, one got used to him. She had got used to
breaking down.
Afternoon tea, when the dusk fell early, was a friendly
hour at Tranton; the firelight played into the wide, white last-century
hall; sympathies almost confessed themselves, lingering together, before
dressing, on deep sofas, in muddy boots, for last words, after walks; and
even solitary absorption in the third volume of a novel that was wanted by
some one else seemed a form of geniality. I watched my moment and went over
to Charlotte Marden when I saw she was about to withdraw. The ladies had
left the place one by one, and after I had addressed myself particularly to
Miss Marden the three men who were near her gradually dispersed. We had a
little vague talk she appeared preoccupied, and heaven knows
I was after which she said she must go: she should be late
for dinner. I proved to her by book that she had plenty of time, and she
objected that she must at any rate go up to see her mother: she was afraid
she was unwell.
On the contrary, shes better than she has
been for a long time Ill guarantee that, I said.
She has found out that she can have confidence in me, and that has
done her good. Miss Marden had dropped into her chair again. I was
standing before her, and she looked up at me without a smile with a
dim distress in her beautiful eyes; not exactly as if I were hurting her,
but as if she were no longer disposed to treat as a joke what had passed
(whatever it was, it was at the same time difficult to be serious about it),
between her mother and myself. But I could answer her inquiry in all
kindness and candour, for I was really conscious that the poor lady had put
off a part of her burden on me and was proportionately relieved and eased.
Im sure she has slept all the afternoon as she hasnt slept
for years, I went on. You have only to ask her.
Charlotte got up again. You make yourself out very
useful.
Youve a good quarter of an hour, I
said. Havent I a right to talk to you a little this way, alone,
when your mother has given me your hand?
And is it your mother who has given me
yours? Im much obliged to her, but I dont want it. I think our
hands are not our mothers they happen to be our own!
laughed the girl.
Sit down, sit down and let me tell you! I
pleaded.
I still stood before her, urgently, to see if she
wouldnt oblige me. She hesitated a moment, looking vaguely this way
and that, as if under a compulsion that was slightly painful. The empty hall
was quiet we heard the loud ticking of the great clock. Then she
slowly sank down and I drew a chair close to her. This made me face round to
the fire again, and with the movement I perceived, disconcertedly, that we
were not alone.
The next instant, more strangely than I can say, my discomposure, instead of
increasing, dropped, for the person before the fire was Sir Edmund Orme. He
stood there as I had seen him in the Indian room, looking at me with the
expressionless attention which borrowed its sternness from his sombre
distinction. I knew so much more about him now that I had to check a
movement of recognition, an acknowledgment of his presence. When once I was
aware of it, and that it lasted, the sense that we had company, Charlotte
and I, quitted me; it was impressed on me on the contrary that I was more
intensely alone with Miss Marden. She evidently saw nothing to look at, and
I made a tremendous and very nearly successful effort to conceal from her
that my own situation was different. I say very nearly, because
she watched me an instant while my words were arrested in a
way that made me fear she was going to say again, as she had said in the
Indian room: What on earth is the matter with you?
What the matter with me was I quickly told her, for the
full knowledge of it rolled over me with the touching spectacle of her
unconsciousness. It was touching that she became, in the presence of this
extraordinary portent. What was portended, danger or sorrow, bliss or bane,
was a minor question; all I saw, as she sat there, was that, innocent and
charming, she was close to a horror, as she might have thought it, that
happened to be veiled from her but that might at any moment be disclosed. I
didnt mind it now, as I found, but nothing was more possible than she
should, and if it wasnt curious and interesting it might easily be
very dreadful. If I didnt mind it for myself, as I afterwards saw,
this was largely because I was so taken up with the idea of protecting
her. My heart beat high with this idea, on
the spot; I determined to do everything I could to keep her sense sealed.
What I could do might have been very obscure to me if I had not, in all
this, become more aware than of anything else that I loved her. The way to
save her was to love her, and the way to love her was to tell her, now and
here, that I did so. Sir Edmund Orme didnt prevent me, especially as
after a moment he turned his back to us and stood looking discreetly at the
fire. At the end of another moment he leaned his head on his arm, against
the chimneypiece, with an air of gradual dejection, like a spirit still more
weary than discreet. Charlotte Marden was startled by what I said to her,
and she jumped up to escape it; but she took no offence my tenderness
was too real. She only moved about the room with a deprecating murmur, and I
was so busy following up any little advantage that I might have obtained
that I didnt notice in what manner Sir Edmund Orme disappeared. I only
observed presently that he had gone. This made no difference he had
been so small a hindrance; I only remember being struck, suddenly, with
something inexorable in the slow, sweet, sad headshake that Miss Marden gave
me.
I dont ask for an answer now, I said;
I only want you to be sure to know how much depends on
it.
Oh, I dont want to give it to you, now or
ever! she replied. I hate the subject, please I wish one
could be let alone. And then, as if I might have found something harsh
in this irrepressible, artless cry of beauty beset, she added quickly,
vaguely, kindly, as she left the room: Thank you, thank you
thank you so much!
At dinner I could be generous enough to be glad, for
her, that I was placed on the same side of the table with
her, where she couldnt see me. Her mother was nearly opposite to me,
and just after we had sat down Mrs Marden gave me one long, deep look,
in which all our strange communion was expressed. It meant of course
She has told me, but it meant other things beside. At any rate I
know what my answering look to her conveyed: Ive seen him again
Ive seen him again! This didnt prevent
Mrs Marden from treating her neighbours with her usual scrupulous
blandness. After dinner, when, in the drawing-room, the men joined the
ladies and I went straight up to her to tell her how I wished we could have
some private conversation, she said immediately, in a low tone, looking down
at her fan while she opened and shut it:
Hes here hes here.
Here? I looked round the room, but I was
disappointed.
Look where she is, said
Mrs Marden, with just the faintest asperity. Charlotte was in fact not
in the main saloon, but in an apartment into which it opened and which was
known as the morning-room. I took a few steps and saw her, through a
doorway, upright in the middle of the room, talking with three gentlemen
whose backs were practically turned to me. For a moment my quest seemed
vain; then I recognised that one of the gentlemen the middle one
was Sir Edmund Orme. This time it was surprising that the
others didnt see him. Charlotte seemed to be looking straight at him,
addressing her conversation to him. She saw me after an instant, however,
and immediately turned her eyes away. I went back to her mother with an
annoyed sense that the girl would think I was watching her, which
would be unjust. Mrs Marden had found a small sofa a little
apart and I sat down beside her. There
were some questions I had so wanted to go into that I wished we were once
more in the Indian room. I presently gathered, however, that our privacy was
all-sufficient. We communicated so closely and completely now, and with such
silent reciprocities, that it would in every circumstance be adequate.
Oh, yes, hes there, I said; and
at about a quarter-past seven he was in the hall.
I knew it at the time, and I was so glad!
So glad?
That it was your affair, this time, and not mine.
Its a rest for me.
Did you sleep all the afternoon? I asked.
As I havent done for months. But how did you
know that?
As you knew, I take it, that Sir Edmund
was in the hall. We shall evidently each of us know things now where
the other is concerned.
Where he is concerned,
Mrs Marden amended. Its a blessing, the way you take
it, she added, with a long, mild sigh.
I take it as a man whos in love with your
daughter.
Of course of course. Intense as I now
felt my desire for the girl to be, I couldnt help laughing a little at
the tone of these words; and it led my companion immediately to say:
Otherwise you wouldnt have seen him.
But every one doesnt see him whos in
love with her, or there would be dozens.
Theyre not in love with her as you
are.
I can, of course, only speak for myself; and I
found a moment, before dinner, to do so.
She told me immediately.
And have I any hope any chance?
Thats what I long for, what I pray
for.
Ah, how can I thank you enough? I murmured.
I believe it will all pass if she loves
you, Mrs Marden continued.
It will all pass?
We shall never see him again.
Oh, if she loves me I dont care how often I
see him!
Ah, you take it better than I could, said my
companion. You have the happiness not to know not to
understand.
I dont indeed. What on earth does he
want?
He wants to make me suffer. She turned her
wan face upon me with this, and I saw now for the first time, fully, how
perfectly, if this had been Sir Edmund Ormes purpose, he had
succeeded. For what I did to him, Mrs Marden explained.
And what did you do to him?
She looked at me a moment. I killed him. As
I had seen him fifty yards away only five minutes before the words gave me a
start. Yes, I make you jump; be careful. Hes there still, but he
killed himself. I broke his heart he thought me awfully bad. We were
to have been married, but I broke it off just at the last. I saw some
one I liked better; I had no reason but that. It wasnt for interest,
or money, or position, or anything of that sort. All those things
were his. It was simply that I fell in love with Captain Marden. When I saw
him I felt that I couldnt marry any one else. I wasnt in love
with Edmund Orme my mother, my elder sister had brought it about. But
he did love me. I told him I didnt care that I couldnt,
that I wouldnt. I threw him over, and he took something, some
abominable drug or draught that proved fatal. It was dreadful,
it was horrible, he was found that way he died in agony. I married
Captain Marden, but not for five years. I was happy, perfectly happy; time
obliterates. But when my husband died I began to see him.
I had listened intently, but I wondered. To see
your husband?
Never, never that way, thank God! To see
him, with Chartie always with Chartie. The first time it
nearly killed me about seven years ago, when she first came out.
Never when Im by myself only with her. Sometimes not for
months, then every day for a week. Ive tried everything to break the
spell doctors and
régimes
and climates; Ive prayed to God on my knees. That day at Brighton,
on the Parade with you, when you thought I was ill, that was the first
for an age. And then, in the evening, when I knocked my tea over you,
and the day you were at the door with Charlotte and I saw you from the
window each time he was there.
I see, I see. I was more thrilled than I
could say. Its an apparition like another.
Like another? Have you ever seen another?
No, I mean the sort of thing one has heard of.
Its tremendously interesting to encounter a case.
Do you call me a case?
Mrs Marden asked, with exquisite resentment.
I mean myself.
Oh, youre the right one! she
exclaimed. I was right when I trusted you.
Im devoutly grateful you did; but what made
you do it?
I had thought the whole thing out I had had
time to in those dreadful years, while he was punishing me in my
daughter.
Hardly that, I objected, if she never
knew.
That has been my terror, that she will,
from one occasion to another. Ive an unspeakable dread of the effect
on her.
She shant, she
shant! I declared, so loud that several people looked
round. Mrs Marden made me get up, and I had no more talk with her that
evening. The next day I told her I must take my departure from Tranton
it was neither comfortable nor considerate to remain as a rejected
suitor. She was disconcerted, but she accepted my reasons, only saying to me
out of her mournful eyes: Youll leave me alone then with my
burden? It was of course understood between us that for many weeks to
come there would be no discretion in worrying poor Charlotte:
such were the terms in which, with odd feminine and maternal inconsistency,
she alluded to an attitude on my part that she favoured. I was prepared to
be heroically considerate, but it seemed to me that even this delicacy
permitted me to say a word to Miss Marden before I went. I begged her, after
breakfast, to take a turn with me on the terrace, and as she hesitated,
looking at me distantly, I informed her that it was only to ask her a
question and to say good-bye I was leaving Tranton for her.
She came out with me, and we passed slowly round the
house three or four times. Nothing is finer than this great airy platform,
from which every look is a sweep of the country, with the sea on the
furthest edge. It might have been that as we passed the windows we were
conspicuous to our friends in the house, who would divine, sarcastically,
why I was so significantly bolting. But I didnt care; I only wondered
whether they wouldnt really this time make out Sir Edmund Orme, who
joined us on one of our turns and strolled slowly on the other side of my
companion. Of what transcendent essence
he was composed I knew not; I have no theory about him (leaving that to
others), any more than I have one about such or such another of my
fellow-mortals whom I have elbowed in life. He was as positive, as
individual, as ultimate a fact as any of these. Above all he was as
respectable, as sensitive a fact; so that I should no more have thought of
taking a liberty, of practicing an experiment with him, of touching him, for
instance, or speaking to him, since he set the example of silence, than I
should have thought of committing any other social grossness. He had always,
as I saw more fully later, the perfect propriety of his position had
always the appearance of being dressed and, in attitude and aspect, of
comporting himself, as the occasion demanded. He looked strange,
incontestably, but somehow he always looked right. I very soon came
to attach an idea of beauty to his unmentionable presence, the beauty of an
old story of love and pain. What I ended by feeling was that he was on my
side, that he was watching over my interest, that he was looking to it that
my heart shouldnt be broken. Oh, he had taken it seriously, his own
catastrophe he had certainly proved that in his day. If poor
Mrs Marden, as she told me, had thought it out, I also subjected the
case to the finest analysis of which my intellect was capable. It was a case
of retributive justice. The mother was to pay, in suffering, for the
suffering she had inflicted, and as the disposition to jilt a lover might
have been transmitted to the daughter, the daughter was to be watched, so
that she might be made to suffer should she do an equal wrong. She
might reproduce her mother in character as vividly as she did in face. On
the day she should transgress, in other words, her eyes would be opened
suddenly and unpitiedly to the perfect presence, which she would
have
to work as she could into her conception of a young ladys universe. I
had no great fear for her, because I didnt believe she was, in any
cruel degree, a coquette. We should have a good deal of ground to get over
before I, at least, should be in a position to be sacrificed by her. She
couldnt throw me over before she had made a little more of me.
The question I asked her on the terrace that morning was
whether I might continue, during the winter, to come to
Mrs Mardens house. I promised not to come too often and not to
speak to her for three months of the question I had raised the day before.
She replied that I might do as I liked, and on this we parted.
I carried out the vow I had made her; I held my tongue
for my three months. Unexpectedly to myself there were moments of this time
when she struck me as capable of playing with a man. I wanted so to make her
like me that I became subtle and ingenious, wonderfully alert, patiently
diplomatic. Sometimes I thought I had earned my reward, brought her to the
point of saying: Well, well, youre the best of them all
you may speak to me now. Then there was a greater blankness than ever
in her beauty, and on certain days a mocking light in her eyes, of which the
meaning seemed to be: If you dont take care, I will
accept you, to have done with you the more effectually.
Mrs Marden was a great help to me simply by believing in me, and I
valued her faith all the more that it continued even though there was a
sudden intermission of the miracle that had been wrought for me. After our
visit to Tranton Sir Edmund Orme gave us a holiday, and I confess it was at
first a disappointment to me. I felt less designated, less connected with
Charlotte. Oh, dont cry till youre out of the wood,
her mother said; he has let me off sometimes
for six months. Hell break out again when you least expect it
he knows what hes about. For her these weeks were happy, and she
was wise enough not to talk about me to the girl. She was so good as to
assure me that I was taking the right way, that I looked as if I felt secure
and that in the long run women give way to that. She had known them do it
even when the man was a fool for looking so or was a fool on any
terms. For herself she felt it to be a good time, a sort of
St Martins summer
of the soul. She was better than she had been
for years, and she had me to thank for it. The sense of visitation was light
upon her she wasnt in anguish every time she looked round.
Charlotte contradicted me very often, but she contradicted herself still
more. That winter was a wonder of mildness, and we often sat out in the sun.
I walked up and down with Charlotte, and Mrs Marden, sometimes on a
bench, sometimes in a bath-chair, waited for us and smiled at us as we
passed. I always looked out for a sign in her face Hes
with you, hes with you (she would see him before I should), but
nothing came; the season had brought us also a sort of spiritual softness.
Toward the end of April the air was so like June that, meeting my two
friends one night at some Brighton sociability an evening party with
amateur music I drew Miss Marden unresistingly out upon a balcony to
which a window in one of the rooms stood open. The night was close and
thick, the stars were dim, and below us, under the cliff, we heard the
regular rumble of the sea. We listened to it a little and we heard mixed
with it, from within the house, the sound of a violin accompanied by a piano
a performance which had been our pretext for passing out.
Do you like me a little better? I asked,
abruptly, after a minute. Could you listen to me again?
I had no sooner spoken than she laid her hand quickly,
with a certain force, on my arm. Hush! isnt there some
one there? She was looking into the gloom of the far end of the
balcony. This balcony ran the whole width of the house, a width very great
in the best of the old houses at Brighton. We were lighted a little by the
open window behind us, but the other windows, curtained within, left the
darkness undiminished, so that I made out but dimly the figure of a
gentleman standing there and looking at us. He was in evening dress, like a
guest I saw the vague shine of his white shirt and the pale oval of
his face and he might perfectly have been a guest who had stepped out
in advance of us to take the air. Miss Marden took him for one at first
then evidently, even in a few seconds, she saw that the intensity of
his gaze was unconventional. What else she saw I couldnt determine; I
was too taken up with my own impression to do more than feel the quick
contact of her uneasiness. My own impression was in fact the strongest of
sensations, a sensation of horror; for what could the thing mean but that
the girl at last saw? I heard her give a sudden, gasping
Ah! and move quickly into the house. It was only afterwards that
I knew that I myself had had a totally new emotion my horror passing
into anger, and my anger into a stride along the balcony with a gesture of
reprobation. The case was simplified to the vision of a frightened girl whom
I loved. I advanced to vindicate her security, but I found nothing there to
meet me. It was either all a mistake or Sir Edmund Orme had vanished.
I followed Miss Marden immediately, but there were
symptoms of confusion in the drawing-room when I passed in. A lady had
fainted, the music had stopped; there was a shuffling of chairs and a
pressing forward.
The lady was not Charlotte, as I feared, but Mrs Marden, who had
suddenly been taken ill. I remember the relief with which I learned this,
for to see Charlotte stricken would have been anguish, and her mothers
condition gave a channel to her agitation. It was of course all a matter for
the people of the house and for the ladies, and I could have no share in
attending to my friends or in conducting them to their carriage.
Mrs Marden revived and insisted on going home, after which I uneasily
withdrew.
I called the next morning to ask about her and was
informed that she was better, but when I asked if Miss Marden would see me
the message sent down was that it was impossible. There was nothing for me
to do all day but to roam about with a beating heart. But toward evening I
received a line in pencil, brought by hand Please come; mother
wishes you. Five minutes afterward I was at the door again and ushered
into the drawing-room. Mrs Marden lay upon the sofa, and as soon as I
looked at her I saw the shadow of death in her face. But the first thing she
said was that she was better, ever so much better; her poor old heart had
been behaving queerly again, but now it was quiet. She gave me her hand and
I bent over her with my eyes in hers, and in this way I was able to read
what she didnt speak Im really very ill, but appear
to take what I say exactly as I say it. Charlotte stood there beside
her, looking not frightened now, but intensely grave, and not meeting my
eyes. She has told me she has told me! her mother went
on.
She has told you? I stared from one of them
to the other, wondering if Mrs Marden meant that the girl had spoken to
her of the circumstances on the balcony.
That you spoke to her again that
youre admirably faithful.
I felt a thrill of joy at this; it showed me that that
memory had been uppermost, and also that Charlotte had wished to say the
thing that would soothe her mother most, not the thing that would alarm her.
Yet I now knew, myself, as well as if Mrs Marden had told me, that she
knew and had known at the moment what her daughter had seen. I spoke
I spoke, but she gave me no answer, I said.
She will now, wont you, Chartie? I want it
so, I want it! the poor lady murmured, with ineffable wistfulness.
Youre very good to me, Charlotte said
to me, seriously and sweetly, looking fixedly on the carpet. There was
something different in her, different from all the past. She had recognised
something, she felt a coercion. I could see that she was trembling.
Ah, if you would let me show you how good
I can be! I exclaimed, holding out my hands to her. As I uttered the
words I was touched with the knowledge that something had happened. A form
had constituted itself on the other side of the bed, and the form leaned
over Mrs Marden. My whole being went forth into a mute prayer that
Charlotte shouldnt see it and that I should be able to betray nothing.
The impulse to glance toward Mrs Marden was even stronger than the
involuntary movement of taking in Sir Edmund Orme; but I could resist even
that, and Mrs Marden was perfectly still. Charlotte got up to give me
her hand, and with the definite act she saw. She gave, with a shriek, one
stare of dismay, and another sound, like a wail of one of the lost, fell at
the same instant on my ear. But I had already sprung toward the girl to
cover her, to veil her face. She had already thrown herself into my arms. I
held her there a moment bending over her, given up to her, feeling
each of her throbs with my own and not knowing which was which; then, all of
a sudden, coldly, I gathered that we were alone. She released herself. The
figure beside the sofa had vanished; but Mrs Marden lay in her place
with closed eyes, with something in her stillness that gave us both another
terror. Charlotte expressed it in the cry of Mother, mother!
with which she flung herself down. I fell on my knees beside her.
Mrs Marden had passed away.
Was the sound I heard when Chartie shrieked the
other and still more tragic sound I mean the despairing cry of the
poor ladys death-shock or the articulate sob (it was like a waft from
a great tempest), of the exorcised and pacified spirit? Possibly the latter,
for that was, mercifully, the last of Sir Edmund Orme.
THE END
part of an etext edition of
Sir Edmund Orme
on
the Ladder : a Henry James website